I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
