i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
