He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
