all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
