Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
