he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
