wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
These tits shall not be calmed
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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