omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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