So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
