I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
