Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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