So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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