dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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