what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
3pm strippers are depressing
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
