He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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