Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
