No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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