This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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