Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
