Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
