I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
