brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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