She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
