There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
