i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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