We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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