he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
