Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You took a bar mat shot.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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