just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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