please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
