i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
