Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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