The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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