Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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