I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
