It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
