YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
