and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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