The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
