a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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