there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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