Ambien. No doubt about it.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
