Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
