so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
