As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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