wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We need to get me chipped asap
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
