I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
