you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
