if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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