and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
