Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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