I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
