I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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