its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
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last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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