Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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