I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
