please come you make the beer taste better
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
