Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
