all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
