I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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