Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
