You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
