Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
