I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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