Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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