I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
