just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
