He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize