brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I had to cum in my sink.
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