it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
