how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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