Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
