By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
