I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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