i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dignity is for republicans.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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